Returning home to find Captain’s ashes was simultaneously a wonderful feeling of being reunited with her but also absolutely soul crushing as the last time I’d seen her, she still had been tangible, but now her physical being had been reduced to a plastic bag of ashes in a wooden box and a small baggie of hair. The finality of knowing I’d never get to touch her again really hit home at that moment and it hurt. She was gone.

Captain might be gone, but she would not be forgotten.

The following day, I was really dragging. The emotions of being at the Beverly Bridge opening and then the unexpected return of Captain’s ashes, coupled with all the extra driving involved in the unplanned trip home to get them were really taking a toll on me and I had no motivation whatsoever to get back on the trail and riding without her. But at the same time, I still had my promise to Zilla to keep, and remembering Cholo, I knew that I needed to get back on the bike and keep going with the mission to help animals in need. Captain would have wanted it that way, she would always mother smaller animals (regardless of species) so I knew she would approve of our continuing on. We wouldn’t be travelling entirely without her though, as I had decided that I would carry her ashes with us on our journey so that she could still be with us as much as possible. I also decided that we would go back to the Beverly Bridge now that the festivities were over, so that we could hopefully cross in relative peace, bringing Captain’s ashes along so that she didn’t miss part of the trail. It might sound foolish, and probably is, but I made a promise to her and I would do everything in my power to get as close to fulfilling it as possible.

Zilla had been adapting fairly well to his new life as an only dog. At home, he seemed a lot more calm, though he got extremely picky with what foods he would and wouldn’t eat. On the trail though, things weren’t too different for him. He had a lot more room in the trailer and now got all the attention whenever we stopped to talk to people, but by and large not much changed in his trail life. Nevertheless, I made sure to make extra stops while we were riding so that he wouldn’t feel as alone in the trailer and we took one such stop on the bridge so that we could both adjust a little to how things would be moving forward. We then headed back to the car, knowing full well that the most difficult part of the day was yet to come.